Today is day 14 of 28, the midway point. I decided to allow myself 1 month of moping. Why yes, structure is a defense mechanism for me. For the first week, I set alarms to make myself do anything at all. Why do you ask?
Everyone keeps saying things like “allow yourself to feel this and grieve” so I guess that’s what I’m trying to do here. 6 years together and a broken engagement = 4 weeks of being obnoxiously woeful – fair enough?
What happens on March 18th (other than our 1-month nonniversary)? Nothing in particular, really. I might try to write about another topic, I suppose. Go back to fiction or something.
This is just the amount of time I gave myself for being generally unbearable without (too much) self-judgment. I am trying to get most of it out here on my blog to spare friends and family that awkward “I want to help and there is literally nothing I can do” feeling (and spare myself retelling a tale I never wanted to tell in the first place).
To anyone who is still around reading my self-indulgent brooding, there will be an end soon. And for whatever reason, everyone is right – it does get better …very slowly. But it does.