gluttony

“I hope you’re up for a challenge,” they laugh
then get confused when I continue to pass
just throw me in and watch me swim

“Keep going this way and you could end up somewhere good fast.”
the words bounce off and roll away
destinations bore me now

nothing is actually very hard at all
and I don’t say that it all comes easily
but sometimes they notice and seethe

it makes them want to teach a lesson
ask for volunteers, knowing I’m already in
the most intense assignment, when do I begin?

“You must be a glutton for punishment.”
don’t ask me to respond to you
just give me more to do

with every blow, an inch less

just a few things that toughen my skin daily

  • various people (several of whom are her family members) asking when their save-the-dates will arrive in the mail
  • unexpected calendar reminders, phone alarms, Amazon alerts, etc. about her Birthright Israel trip/birthday/whatever
  • e-mail offers from stores to which I subscribed because she liked them
  • Groupon warning me that a voucher I got her for Hanukkah is going to expire soon
  • people playfully joking with me that they haven’t heard from her in a while
  • people asking me how she’s doing/how her trip was/to tell her something/to get her to call the​m
  • having to repeatedly tell people that the “other girl” in her recent profile picture is just her friend, who is straight and in a relationship and yes I’m sure
  • HR notification to verify my emergency contact/beneficiary​ ​