unbuilt sandcastles

I always have the most obvious dreams…

I run with you on a beach and we giggle and play around.  It’s gorgeous.  But you get ahead of me little by little, slipping around bends where I cannot see you.  I start worrying.

Suddenly, you aren’t running down the beach anymore, but toward the ocean instead.  It looks so dark, choppy, and scary.  I run after you and yell, “It’s okay, I’ve got this!” brandishing a lifebuoy above my head.

I put my feet into the frigid water, but you turn back to me and the look on your face stops me from venturing in.  You look so miserable and you just shake your head “no”.  I feel a cold wind rising and see what looks like the makings of a terrible storm behind you.

I realize you don’t want to play in the sand anymore.  You want to dive deep into the ocean and swim, dangerous or not.  You don’t want me to follow you or help you out.

“Stay in the sun, Amber,” you say.  It’s all you say.  So I turn and I run away because I can’t watch you depart.

As I walk back to the sunny side of the island, a man passing me says in a hideously cheerful voice, “At least you’ve still got your lifesaver!”  I try to smile at him with gratitude, but the buoy feels so heavy and useless now.



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