the thing about missing you
is that
for the first time
thoughts of mortality
while still daunting
confusing
and unsolicited
are now
also
somewhat
comforting
not because
I want to go soon
nor because of
some confidence
about thereafter
but
simply because
I am glad to know
I will not exist
in perpetuity
all the while
indefinitely accruing loss
since I realize
the weight of pain
carried by those who survive
when pieces of their world dissolve
and I am learning
to choose
more carefully
my people
who may someday suffer
when I, too, dissolve
and then
I will wish
for them, too
these
—admittedly transient—
glimpses of peace