the thing about missing you

is that

for the first time

thoughts of mortality

while still daunting

confusing

and unsolicited

are now

also

somewhat

comforting

not because

I want to go soon

nor because of

some confidence

about thereafter

but

simply because

I am glad to know

I will not exist

in perpetuity

all the while

indefinitely accruing loss

since I realize

the weight of pain

carried by those who survive

when pieces of their world dissolve

and I am learning

to choose

more carefully

my people

who may someday suffer

when I, too, dissolve

and then

I will wish

for them, too

these

—admittedly transient—

glimpses of peace