Nightmare Fodder

I wake with a start and check on you instinctively; sure enough, you aren’t sleeping. You’ve ripped open the sutures again and your heart is pumping as strongly as ever, but leaking. I try to help you, but it’s so hard to sew raw flesh over pixels. Why bother with foresight if I’m useless? My […]

gratitude

to all of the allies and to all of the lovers to all of the screamers the supportive parents, the accepting colleagues, the good neighbors to the ones who glittered signs and the ones who challenged us (because the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory) to the first girl, who taught me that I […]

kill the perfectionista

She overtakes me slowly, but wholly. None, not even I, hear her approach, because she is remarkable, and exactly who everyone prefers. The Perfectionista has mastered life like science, and holds me under so I cannot revert it to art. She doesn’t mean to tyrannize me; she assumes consciousness when I am lost. Truthfully, I […]

fair weather games

I go out alone a way a ways away paying in distance for anonymity avoiding familiar haunts so as not to encounter ghosts a song plays —unstoppingly— if a girl falls into the woods, with no one there to hear, was she ever anywhere else at all, is she really even here? I dance this […]

once

Once when we were younger, you kidnapped my hand. You tugged so hard I thought it would fall off, because I did not understand anatomy yet. You asked me how fast we’d have to spin to fly. I made up something like ten thousand miles an hour, because I did not understand gravity yet. We […]

what we do

behaviors become habits habits earn descriptors descriptors cluster into constellations we call characteristics characteristics compose identity identity changes the course of life I must choose carefully what I repeatedly do though it is easier to start well than remake oneself I still take heart in “growth mindset” nothing is fixed  

Falling Out of Love with You

was like walking slowly to a vast, gorgeous lake carrying only a rusted spoon to empty the waters or digging straight into the core of this battered planet with that same unavailing utensil and my own clumsy hands I searched for more efficient demolition but it turns out the keystone was just you, not reciprocity […]

beaten

at first they’re kind of squishy to hold, hearts, but you get used to it except you dropped mine and yours was sick we saved them both but it took a lot of time and work after they recovered and felt secure —or at least mine did; but you said so too— you dropped mine […]

in the future

a weird thought that doesn’t cause me as much grief today one day —in separate places, at different times— you and I will describe one another as “the girl I dated for most of my 20s” I can already hear the words so clearly “it was great for a while, we were engaged actually, but […]

origin of a cat lady

for weeks now (already?) the kitty sleeps on the pillow next to my face instead of on top of my chest it’s like she knows it would make me sad every day to start by seeing the empty place where you once were so instead I roll over each morning and get swiped in the […]

We Never Learned Moderation

you view that pyre as light and excitement but I see only heat and pain nothing happens when I warn you, “it’s too hot” just as your beckons do not draw me closer you will probably burn in agony while I freeze numbly both of us blind this is how we play with fire, play […]

Nescience.

The boy was blind and deaf, and he wandered. For moments that felt like ages, I saw destruction inch its way toward him with creeping, choking fingers. Incapable of warning him or stopping the approach, I just watched. My stomach churned equal parts fear and bile. I knew that I would ache for his losses, […]

Mother’s Day Letter

This blog’s name (QuillTakesFlight) actually came from a line in the following letter, written for my mom last Mother’s Day.  This year, I’m sharing it with other mothers and daughters. ***I just wanted to add that I’m very proud of how far my mom has come since this time last year.  She is happier, healthier, […]